i had a meltdown this week. i've given the medication three months and it is past time to re-evaluate. i should have listened to myself. i've always known that medication was not the way for me to go...but now i can say i tried it and it's not for me. so what is for me? that's what i have to figure out.
i went to church today, arrived a little late, but got there and stayed until the end. i even went to sunday school, which is something i haven't done in a long time. the lesson spoke to me, it was just what i needed to hear. now the key is remembering. i really wish i could get a new brain for Christmas. mine is really broken and i don't want to struggle so much anymore. i don't know how to fix it. i still just don't know what to do. but i'm not as hopeless as i have been. i gave up and shut down. i panicked and pushed almost everyone away...i don't want them to know how crazy i am...i don't want to hurt them.
i'm doing the best i know how, which hasn't been very good recently. but i'm still trying.
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