i wish you needed me too

i really need a hand to hold, loving arms to block out the cold.
instead i'm alone with this endless rain and the wretched throbbing in my brain.
it doesn't matter how i try, i'll never be ready to say goodbye.
you're not exactly gone, but everything has changed
the world keeps spinning round, it'll never be the same.
i wish someone would listen and show that they care
my words fall into the void, there's nobody there.

i can't do this.  i knew it was coming but i'm not ready.  i know, i'll never be ready for this...and he doesn't have a clue.  i've tried to tell him why it's so important, but he doesn't get it at all.  so i'm here, alone, drowning in my endless tears.  i have no one.  no one understands.  no one cares.
i wish i either didn't know what i know, or that i knew more than i know.  i know just enough to keep me here, but not enough to find peace, hope, faith, or patience.

it's never going to end.  every good moment is just a precursor to misery.  if i'd never known life with having him around it wouldn't hurt so much to be without him.  i've been praying for months that i wouldn't be left alone...that someone would come into my life to fill at least some of the enormous void that will be left when he is gone.  but now, he's all but gone...and i'm more alone than i've ever been.  he made it easier.  the moments i had with him were the only peaceful and hopeful ones i've ever had.  i can't explain because i don't understand.  he just made me feel not so alone.  i liked him better when he was a mess too...because then he needed me too.  now he doesn't.  i still need him, but he doesn't need me anymore.  now he's gone and i don't want to try anymore.