how do i get back?

i'm kinda lost and terribly alone these says. i guess my choices led me here, my fears and doubts and desperations...i hoped someone would see and understand and reach out to rescue me from myself, but i've simply spiraled deeper and deeper into aloneness. no one cared enough to interfere with my self destruction. i've needed someone to just be there, to invite me, offer a ride, save a seat, listen, just show me i'm wanted and not alone. but i am alone.

so i'm trying to make the best of it. i don't cry anymore, don't pity party, don't seek attention or validation. i wrap myself in loneliness and console myself with books and tv and all the sad songs.

the Artist is nearly engaged. Will has all but disappeared. he doesn't need me or want me around anymore and i'm tired of grasping and begging for scraps of his time. i hoped and prayed someone else would come when he was gone, but all that's there is a gaping, aching void i do my best to ignore. i want to move, to go back to when it was happy, or forward to the next happiness, i want out of this moment...but there is no way out yet. I'm trying to learn patience, endurance, faith...but they are so difficult, especially when it hurts so much and hope is so difficult to see. what's the point of going on if no one cares that i exist?

how do i get back to that place where i'm wanted, where i'm surrounded by friends? or, how do i get to that place where i'm in the arms of the love of my life? that's where i'd really like to be. but does that place even exist? i may never know.